alright, so I'm only 23. I have plenty of time to get my life on track, right?

ugh, i just don't want to get a shitty job.

Today is a Sunday that truly feels like a Sunday. It has that little gnawing feeling of melancholy, from trying to hold on to the little wisps of the weekend that inevitably slip through your fingers. But today it sort of feels like more than that... because this is our last Sunday living in Auburn.
I've been feeling this wistful Sunday ache in this same town for a lot of years now, and the years before that were spent in a town not more than 10 miles away. And in a week, we're taking the leap to "the big city", which is only about 30 miles away, but really, is a pretty big leap in our lives. I'm BEYOND excited, but there's still a teeny part of me that feels really nostalgic. I find myself looking at all the buildings, I mean REALLY looking at them, and noticing all their details. i kind of feel like walking outside and just putting my hands on the tar road, just so i can remember what it feels like. Silly, huh?

Oh, and packing sucks. Sigh.

I'm having a pretty darn low key evening. Just eating a frozen pizza, and watching A Hard Day's Night... which, btw, seeing as how much i love the Beatles, it's surprising that i've never watched! The husband is asleep already, at my encouragement... because he's been working insane hours, and, in my opinion, needs to hibernate like a bear to get back onto the right track.
Lately I've been working hard trying to figure lots of things out, and not really getting terribly far ahead. But, despite the fact that I feel like I'm treading water quite often, I'm still feeling really excited lately. After all, we are moving to Portland! :) we ended up getting that awesome apartment that I posted about a while ago, and we'll be moving in towards the beginning of December! Yayyy! I'm excited to celebrate the holidays in a cozy new place. But, in between now and then we have lots of packing and selling to do, since we're moving into a place that's actually smaller. And, of course, I have to find a job.



Actually, speaking of that - I don't know if I wrote about this in here yet... my job at the cafe that I was dreaming of fell through. I don't even really want to get into details, because it's awful and it makes me feel heartbroken and downtrodden and all those awful adjectives that I don't want to put into my head on a dark late autumn night... but, um, yeah. that job does not exist in my life. Sigh. So I feel very much like I'm back to square one there. However, the good news is that Portland does have a better job market. so, we shall see!

and, i also have lots of things to sell on Etsy... i need to have a moving sale! so, keep an eye out for that :)



i ended up really liking this picture... the bag & the bedspread will end up on etsy! eee!

Unlike a lot of 23 year old gals, most of my boy crushes are on strange, obscure people. a lot of them are chefs. some of them are old guys.

i just happened to catch a second of the Top Chef reunion on Bravo... and, BE STILL MY HEART, FUCKING SAM TALBOT:



he's one of those "celebrity" boys that i get ABSOLUTELY GIDDY over... omg.

in my googling i also found a picture that i'm pretty sure is from a dream i had:


love you, boyssssssssss!! xxx

okay, so... it's a Levi's commercial. I know. Lame. But, I was absolutely taken by this commercial the instant I saw it. and my sister and I were discussing it yesterday, so it's kind of stuck in my head. it's a Walt Whitman poem, and that's a recording of him reading it... coupled with all the images and everything... it makes me want to be a pioneer! i want to march! i want to bear the brunt of danger! it's so powerful. and the whole poem is magical. admittedly, I've never really paid much attention to Walt Whitman. Not because I don't think he was a great man and a prolific poet, but because I just... hadn't. Laziness and lack of scholastic expansion, I think.

( the entire poem )

i'm feeling so inspired lately. like i'm on the brink of some big, bold change. I really hope I am. and this poem makes that feeling well up inside me like you wouldn't believe.

tell me your favorite poem! walt whitman or otherwise! inspire me, livejournal.

Since I don't update here as much as I should... you guys should find me elsewhere. besides, i'm always looking for neat people on these sites

Tumblr: just made one the other day... bird gardens
Twitter: likeasailor
Blogger: gray bird that blog is more for my vintage shop, but i do update from time to time. so. yeah.
Facebook: Jessica Gray i don't know if that link will bring you to it for sure, but if it doesn't... i'm jessica gray and i live in auburn, maine. Stalk away!

so... i got married :)
i could write pages and pages, but i'll give you some details and some pictuuuures...

I was more nervous than i've ever been in my life. as it turns out, i REALLY don't like being the center of attention haha i talked with my dad the whole way down the aisle, and didn't even glance at the people that were there. and during my first dance with my HUSBAND (strange) i just kept repeating that i was stepping on my dress. the day went by quicker than I ever thought it could though. and it was great.


everyone wore chucks... well.. us, and our attendants. it was a last minute suggestion by nick and we all went with it. so damned comfy!


i curled my hair, got gussied up... and i swear that my boobs didn't have that odd gap in the dress the whole day. and nick didn't look that bored the whole day. my stepmom, Linette, is in the middle... she was our officiant, and pretty much the glue that held the ENTIRE damn wedding together. She cried during the ceremony, and made me kiss her on the cheek before she pronounced us husband & wife. so sweet.

my favorite parts:

-Our Polaroid Guest Book. Instead of having people just sign a guest book, we set up a station with 2 Polaroids and some silly props for people to take pictures, place them in the guest book, and sign. It was the coolest memento from the wedding so far! People loved it, and got totally goofy. It probably also helped that some of the props were completely inappropriate.. including shirts that had boobs on them. Airbrushed, for realsies... boobs. Those shirts belonged to my grandmother. Oh yeah, we're a classy family. Those tatas are in almost every photo in the guest book haha I love it!

-Our entrance into the hall after the ceremony. A couple days before the wedding, Nick, my sister, and her boy were up late discussing wedding details... and we were EXHAUSTED. I mean, silly tired. Out of the silliness spawned what turned out to be awesome... we decided to enter the hall like an arena, wrestling style. I don't even fucking like wrestling, but it was amazing! The guests formed an aisle, and our attendants ran down once their names were announced... wrestling names of course, like Colby "Bring the Pain" Cain, and Brandy "Black & Blue" Croteau... and high fived everyone... and screamed and shouted and hyped everyone up in general like we were getting ready for a huge event... then we came down the aisle and high fived everyone. It totally went with what we were going for with the wedding... i mean... we'd been together for 8 years... we did NOT want a fancy, uptight ceremony. We wanted to be goofy and fun... and that totally set the tone for everything.

and then we went on a honeymoon, which of course was amazing. i'll post photos from that later. but for now, i have to go be a good wife and make dinner. chicken parm yummmm :)

i am so sleepy, and seeing as how i have such a busy day i need to SNAP OUT OF IT!
all of a sudden MY WEDDING is this saturday... no longer counting how many months or weeks away it is... we're down to days! checking the weather compulsively on weather.com (yesterday said it would be partly cloudy, today says showers). officially tired of the wedding PLANNING.. i just want to exchange our vows, do a couple dances, take some pictures, and flee to the warm ocean! one week from today we'll be boarding our cruise ship to bob around florida, then to grand caymen & cozumel. swoon!

but first!
today i have to go to my parents' house to make wedding food... i'll be up to my elbows in cupcakes and other yummy things. then i have to go tanning - which is gross, but necessary when you're wearing a strapless dress and you have a ridiculous tan line.

being a bride is seriously, incredibly exhausting. ahhh!

today i'm supposed to be cleaning, and i sort of am... but i've spent far more time on etsy looking at things like, um, crowns and wreaths and hair combs. here are my tweets in regards to this behavior:

likeasailor: i don't know if this is right or not, but i'm basically thinking of my wedding as the ultimate "let's play dress up!" day.

likeasailor: i essentially just want to look like an overdressed wood nymph/queen of the forest. that's totally normal, right? right! jesus i'm insane.

i would like to note that I've been a dork who liked hall & oates since WAY BEFORE IT WAS COOL. before 500 days of summer came out with that supposedly fabulous dance scene which rocketed "you make my dreams come true" to the top of the worlds' collective playlist - which, btw, i'm not being a downer, i REALLY want to see 500 days of summer. but i'm just saying... um... HALL & OATES FOR LIFE.

also, in the epic battle of HALL vs. OATES


i've decided that the OBVIOUS winner is....


OATES


you have to love him! THE POWER OF HIS MOUSTACHE COMPELS YOU!


in other news, i bought a tiny netbook, and it's like having to learn to type all over again. it's funky, but it's so adorable i just plain don't give a hoot! i've temporarily named it "Lil Shiba" because... well, because it's a Toshiba and i'm not creative, i guess! oh, and also... today marks the EIGHT YEAR ANNIVERSARY of nicholas and i dating!! it seems like just yesterday i was updating my livejournal about our "quadrenium" (4th yr anniversary). And now it's only a month till we get married! geeeez. serious business, guys!

i don't really have that many interesting things to say currently. but i'm still alive :)

likeasailor: today i had a bad day then i ate a sandwich with three different kinds of meat on it. well, technically 2. hamburger w/pulled pork and bacon
less than 5 seconds ago from web


likeasailor: i know that sounds gross but it kind of rocked my world. it also had cheddar and BBQ sauce. i said it was the manliest thing on the menu!
less than 5 seconds ago from web

likeasailor: eating like a dude makes me feel special. oh these are the saddest tweets ever.
less than 5 seconds ago from web


also, when I use Twitter, I rarely ever follow the "small blurb" rule. I wait until I have at least 350 characters worth of things to say, then I split it into about 3 tweets.


Who else twitters? It doesn't need to be about sandwiches, it can be about anything! I need some more people to follow

Question: What should I be doing right now, seeing as how it is roughly 2AM?
Answer: Sleeping. I should be sleeping.

Question: What, in fact, AM I DOING at this hour?
Answer: I am baking a vegan pineapple upside down cake, of course!

hmmm. right then!

oh and also i'd like to mention that I think twitter is killing my ever-dwindling writing skills. I'm starting to think of summaries of my day in 140 characters or less. When I write more than that it feels odd.